This is an email I sent out to some family and friends in February of 2007. It was just after Michael had taken the job in Idaho, and I was here in Texas alone, pregnant with #7, trying to sell the house, and we had all gotten the flu and strep like two days after he left. I can laugh about it now -- seriously laugh -- and it has only been two years. Hope you get a good laugh too!
Things I have learned from my sons recently
By Jessica Christensen
1. A three-year-old boy can color all the grout in a 15x20 ft. kitchen in 30 seconds while you are on the phone with your mother if he imagines that the crayons are fast like Lightning McQueen.
2. It takes a half of a 6 lb. bucket of Oxyclean to make enough paste to clean the crayon out of the grout of a 15x20 ft. kitchen.
3. When Oxyclean is made into a paste with water and then left to sit too long on grout, it makes an impenetrable casing that can only be scraped off with a knife or a razor blade.
4. When cleaning the crayon out of your kitchen tile grout with an Oxyclean and water paste, the smell of the Oxyclean will clear your sinuses for you if you are 5 ½ months pregnant and can’t take anything for your congestion anyway.
5. An Oxyclean and water solution is slippery.
6. It takes three times of an Oxyclean paste to get most of the green crayon out of the grout of your 15x20 ft. kitchen.
7. Green crayon comes out more easily than does orange.
8. It takes less time to re-grout a 15x20 ft. kitchen than it does to clean crayon out of the existing grout.
9. When a three-year-old boy says, “Mom, the toilet happened,” you should run to the toilet.
10. When cleaning up the toilet’s "happening," each time you burst into tears, so will the three-year-old boy.
11. If a 10-year-old boy playing basketball at recess trips and falls down, his pants will not rip if they are two years old. They will, however, rip if they are the jeans you just bought him two weeks ago.
12. A six ounce cup of red Gatorade contains enough liquid to cover a 2x3 ft. square.
13. An Oxyclean and water paste will get red Gatorade out of grout (thankfully)!
14. A one-year-old boy who has been left in his crib while you are cleaning up the Oxyclean and water paste off the kitchen floor is able to throw all his blankets and stuffed animals out of the bed as well as remove the crib sheet from the mattress and throw it out before you can get to him.
15. A five-year-old boy with a high fever who has been given Motrin will sleep through a one-year-old boy screaming and dismantling his bed.
16. A one-year-old boy can spit milk approximately three feet from the kitchen in to the living room and hit the leather sofa if you have him turned so he can watch Sesame Street while he is eating (so you can finish cleaning up the Oxyclean and water paste from the kitchen floor).
17. A one-year-old boy who stuffs two handfuls of Golden Grahams into his mouth at once can turn those two handfuls into approximately a quart of vomit.
18. You do not need Oxyclean and water to clean up Golden Grahams vomit. Regular soap and water will do.
It’s only noon here now. I hope you guys had a better morning than mine, and I hope you got a good laugh. I’m sure I’d be laughing if I could do it without coughing up a lung. Love ya!
By Jessica Christensen
1. A three-year-old boy can color all the grout in a 15x20 ft. kitchen in 30 seconds while you are on the phone with your mother if he imagines that the crayons are fast like Lightning McQueen.
2. It takes a half of a 6 lb. bucket of Oxyclean to make enough paste to clean the crayon out of the grout of a 15x20 ft. kitchen.
3. When Oxyclean is made into a paste with water and then left to sit too long on grout, it makes an impenetrable casing that can only be scraped off with a knife or a razor blade.
4. When cleaning the crayon out of your kitchen tile grout with an Oxyclean and water paste, the smell of the Oxyclean will clear your sinuses for you if you are 5 ½ months pregnant and can’t take anything for your congestion anyway.
5. An Oxyclean and water solution is slippery.
6. It takes three times of an Oxyclean paste to get most of the green crayon out of the grout of your 15x20 ft. kitchen.
7. Green crayon comes out more easily than does orange.
8. It takes less time to re-grout a 15x20 ft. kitchen than it does to clean crayon out of the existing grout.
9. When a three-year-old boy says, “Mom, the toilet happened,” you should run to the toilet.
10. When cleaning up the toilet’s "happening," each time you burst into tears, so will the three-year-old boy.
11. If a 10-year-old boy playing basketball at recess trips and falls down, his pants will not rip if they are two years old. They will, however, rip if they are the jeans you just bought him two weeks ago.
12. A six ounce cup of red Gatorade contains enough liquid to cover a 2x3 ft. square.
13. An Oxyclean and water paste will get red Gatorade out of grout (thankfully)!
14. A one-year-old boy who has been left in his crib while you are cleaning up the Oxyclean and water paste off the kitchen floor is able to throw all his blankets and stuffed animals out of the bed as well as remove the crib sheet from the mattress and throw it out before you can get to him.
15. A five-year-old boy with a high fever who has been given Motrin will sleep through a one-year-old boy screaming and dismantling his bed.
16. A one-year-old boy can spit milk approximately three feet from the kitchen in to the living room and hit the leather sofa if you have him turned so he can watch Sesame Street while he is eating (so you can finish cleaning up the Oxyclean and water paste from the kitchen floor).
17. A one-year-old boy who stuffs two handfuls of Golden Grahams into his mouth at once can turn those two handfuls into approximately a quart of vomit.
18. You do not need Oxyclean and water to clean up Golden Grahams vomit. Regular soap and water will do.
It’s only noon here now. I hope you guys had a better morning than mine, and I hope you got a good laugh. I’m sure I’d be laughing if I could do it without coughing up a lung. Love ya!
Now, don't you feel better about your life? I'm kind of feeling better about mine right now. = )
3 comments:
Thanks for the Laugh! We read it twice because it so funny!
THAT is one FUNNY post!! I love it! I have some of those too! Sounds like you're sick too. I hope you're feeling better. I've got bronchitus and a sinus infection, so I feel ya sister!! Wow, I can't believe all that happened...too funny!
LOL!!! That was funny!! But wow, Jess, I don't know how you do it! You are an awesome mom.
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